I Want To Know You, Lord!

By Jim Mensie, Minister of Worship
Calvary Chapel of Truckee

My Early Years & Answered Prayer
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I went to church for the first time at about 12 because of a girl, heard the gospel and invited the Lord into my heart. But I didn't have any direction, because there wasn't anyone in my family who walked with the Lord. It was like God just reached down in my family and said, "I'm going to take that guy right there--he's going to be mine."

After that, I would walk to church, which was a couple of miles away. I was embarrassed to tell my parents I was going to church; they thought I was just going out to play. Over the period of a year, I went maybe eight or 10 times is all.

During that first year, my sister, who is mentally retarded and has cerebral palsy, was dying. She was causing herself to vomit because she didn't know any better. At the age of 5 or 6, she got down to about 28 pounds, so they put her in the hospital. I remember my mom and dad coming to me on a Saturday night and telling me that she was going to die. I woke up the next morning and walked to church. I sat in the back pews of this Baptist Church, crying and asking God, "Don't take my sister! Don't take my sister!"

My mom and dad went into the hospital later that day and stole her out of there. They brought her home and started to feed her. She started to hold down the food and lived. I was in my twenties before I realized that God answered that young man's prayer. I can look back and share with people, "Hey, you can pray. God hears. No matter where your relationship is with Him--whether you're just starting out or you're a mature Christian--if it's sincerely from your heart, He hears." After that I just stopped going to church. There was no reason for me to go and there was nobody to take me.

Drugs & Jail
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Then, in the late '60s, I got heavily involved into girls, drugs, alcohol--that whole scene--because I loved to sin. The whole time I was doing that, I know I was born again. I never denied the Lord as savior. I knew that He was God; I just didn't know anything about Him.

Finally, my girlfriend Anna and I were doing so many drugs that it was by God's grace that we were alive. I weighed 128 pounds when I went to jail as an adult, as a 19-year-old man. I should have weighed 165 or 170 pounds--I was dying. It was God's grace that got me busted selling drugs. Spending a year in jail, I had a lot of time to think. The whole time, I was wondering, "Why am I here? I'm cool!" I thought I was really something.

A brother in jail who was a security guard made it so we could go out on Sunday evenings to a church service. I said, "Well, I'll go there to get out of here." The first week out, the tug was on my heart to go forward, but I had too much pride to get up. When you're in jail, you put on this attitude of,"Yeah, I'm a bad dude."

The second week, which was Easter Sunday, I just zoomed—I flew up there. I don't even remember walking up—I think I just floated up—and rededicated my life to the Lord. Afterward, there I was in jail, driving those guys nuts, sharing the gospel with them. I didn't read the Word, but I picked up the guitar which I had started to learn when I was about 13.

When my time was up and I finally got out of jail, I went to tell all my friends and Anna about Jesus and my faith. When I came to them, they put drugs in front of me—that was it. It was another seven years before I really started walking with the Lord.

Life With Anna
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After I was out of jail for about a year, I asked Anna to move in with me and she did. I knew the Lord. I knew Jesus was real. I'd get toasted and go tell all my friends about Jesus.

Before I went to jail, I had gone to Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa a couple of times. I would get loaded and listen to Chuck Smith talk about Jesus. Later, when Anna and I lived together in southern California, I took Anna to a Love Song concert. They played and did worship, and Chuck Smith gave an altar call. Anna went forward to receive the Lord. Soon after, she quit doing drugs; but, for some reason, I just couldn't stop.

We then moved up to the Santa Rosa area where we spent a couple of years and tried to go to a church there. Every time we'd go to church, everybody else was wearing suits and ties, but we were hippies. We just weren't well received. They tried to conform us into their image and we weren't very good at conforming. One time a brother came to our house when I was loaded. He looked at me and said, "I'm turning you over to Satan!" It just freaked me out, you know!

The Move To Lake Tahoe
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Anna and I had started making jewelry and selling it at craft shows, and we were making some pretty good money. We had been to craft shows up at Lake Tahoe, so we decided, "Let's move up there!" We moved to Lake Tahoe in 1975 and didn't tell any of the people in the church where we were going. We just disappeared off the face of the earth, as far as they knew.

I finally got to a point in my life, where I said, "I want to know who Jesus is." At that time, our next-door neighbors were going to church in King's Beach at an elementary school. It was called Tahoe Community Church at the time (later it became Calvary Chapel of Truckee). My friend kept telling me, "Hey, man, they don't do hymns! They don't have stained glass windows. They don't have an organ. The pastor is funny. The guy up front plays the guitar. We do this fun music!" It took him about three or four months before he convinced me to check it out.

There was this young 33-year-old man: Pastor Brian Larson. He had dark hair, a moustache and even a beard. He just talked about God's grace. I'll never forget leaving that elementary school thinking, "Man, Jesus loves me!" I didn't feel condemned. I didn't feel convicted. I just felt the love of God.

I went back the next week, and the same thing happened. I left there going, "Jesus loves me! He forgives me and He accepts me the way I am." It was just a real freeing thing to really come to that place of understanding, and to be sick of my old life.

So, I started reading the Bible, which I had only done once before when I was in jail. I had gotten baptized in the spirit and received the gift of tongues while I was in jail, but I was in turmoil over it. I was saying, "This isn't real. God, what is this?" One day this voice in my head said, "Open the Bible." I opened it up to Matthew 27:46 and the words "Eli, Eli" (which was how Jesus addressed the Father on the cross) flew off the page at me. Those were always the first words out of my mouth when I would speak in tongues. I said, "Ok, it's a real thing."

But, that had been the extent of my Bible reading. Since we started going to church in February of 1979, Anna had been saying, "Take it easy! Let's not dive in and get too involved. Remember what happened last time--always feeling guilty and all that stuff." So, we hadn't gone to any of the Bible studies mid-week, but we started going on Sunday evenings to a just-for-worship night, which was kind of like an Afterglow. I really enjoyed that. After going to church for a little while, the guy that was leading worship said, "Anybody interested in being part of the worship team, why don't you come up here and see me." So, I did.

Nobody knew this, but I'd be smoking pot and drinking the rest of the day after church. By the time Sunday evening worship rolled around, I was pretty lit up. I could maintain it pretty good, so people didn't really know.

Anna and I still weren't married this whole time. We didn't tell anybody at church because of what had happened at the other church -- they kept trying to split us up and get us married. We didn't really see the need for it, really didn't have the understanding. Even so, there was a deep, small voice in me telling me this wasn't right. I got pretty good at ignoring it.

The Bible Comes to Life
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So I started reading the Word. In October 1979, I read in 1 Corinthians 7:9 where it says, "It is better to marry than to burn." It hit me like a hot flash--whoa! We have got to get married! I thought we were going to burn in hell--I didn't know it really meant to burn with lust. Anna was sitting over on the couch when I read that verse and said, "Anna, we HAVE to get married!" She said, "Ok." That was my proposal.

This happened during the day before mid-week Bible Study. I had never been to it before, but I decided to go and talk to Pastor Brian about getting married. I was scared to death that this man was going to say, "Well, you have to split up, and you need to do this, and you need to do that." I thought he was going to lay all this stuff on me, you know?

There were about seven or eight of us in this room, sitting around in this little circle, while Brian was in James. After the service, Brian was in the kitchen drinking water when I went to him and said, "Hi, Pastor Brian, I have a problem."

He said, "What's that?"

I said, "Well, Anna and I aren't married."

Then I'm ready for it—here it comes … Instead, this guy put his arm around me and said, "Hey, you know what, we can take care of that!"

"Oh, yeah, we'll take care of that!"

That was it.

Obedience Brings Deliverance
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Anna and I got married on January 4, 1980, seven years to the day after we moved in together. It's really interesting because the minute that we said, "I do," I was delivered from the drugs and the alcohol and the smoking, too (although I took smoking back up). The next day God gave me a scripture: "It is better to obey than to sacrifice." He delivered me from all of that stuff just by my simple obedience.

So, from that point on, Anna and I sought God in our lives and went after Him with everything. We were sold out. We knew Jesus is it. I played bass for the worship team for six and a half years and we started a Christian rock group called "Cornerstone" that switched to "Heartbeat." Heartbeat, which was getting really good, broke up in 1986 because of adultery in the group.

When it broke up, Anna and I were crushed because we had just poured our heart and life into it for six and a half years. Then it was gone. I really had to seek God. "What do you want me to do? What now?" I was lost. The carpet was pulled right out from under me, man.

God spoke these words to my heart, "You never really asked me to be in these other groups." It was true. I had I never prayed about starting a new rock group for Jesus. "Go back where you started," He told me. And that was the worship ministry, the music ministry of the church. I said, "OK," and I did that.

It was July of 1986 when I started getting more involved in the worship team. The timing is interesting, because Calvary Chapel had their first worship conference that they've ever had in San Diego on September 24,1986. I remember that day, because it was the last time I smoked. That was it. It was over.

Learning to Worship
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We spent three days at that conference. A man named Terry Clarke spoke about worship. I didn't even know you could talk about worship, or learn about worship, or that it was teachable or anything. He gave this incredible message about living in Heaven, but commuting down here on a daily basis, but having your heart in Heaven. Then he went into this song, "Let's worship …" I just went, "Whoa, man!" I was floored. I was in heaven, man. It just blew my mind. Some of the people that we went with were negative against it; but me and Anna, we were like, "Wow, Jesus!" Anna was already a worshipper. I didn't really understand it, before the conference; I had been more of a song-singer, a song-player.

But I wanted to know, "Lord, what is it to worship you? What is it to love you? I want to know you. I want to worship you. I want to love you." I was praying that, coming back from that conference. Two weeks later, we started a night called Just for Worship, which we hosted at my house for 12 years after that. It was originally just for worship leaders from Gardnerville, Reno, South Shore, Incline, Tahoe City and Truckee. We'd come together at my house about 7 in the evening, start worshipping the Lord, seeking God and go to about 11 at night. It was a powerful time; the Holy Spirit was thick there. After about two years, we opened it up to the body, and made it from 7 to 8:30, because people have kids.

I felt like our church really grew and became a worshipping body from that. Before that, we were just doing songs. It wasn't really worship. People weren't meeting with the Father, meeting with Jesus, because they really didn't understand.

Paralysis Strikes
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I sought God for the next six months, until April 4, 1987--that was the day I went into the hospital, after waking up and losing use of my muscles. I was paralyzed within three days. That's when God really sank into my heart. I was yelling at him every day, "Heal me! Heal me!" Because I knew that He could.

He would speak to me in the evening after Anna was gone. "I thought you wanted to know Me."

I'd say, "Yeah, Lord. But, heal me!"

"I thought you wanted to worship Me."

"Yes, Lord, but heal me!"

"I thought you wanted to love Me."

"Yes, Lord, but heal me!"

This went on every night for 14 days. On the 15th day, they moved me down to St. Mary's Hospital in Reno where I stayed for the next two months. One of the brothers who had been coming to the house for Just for Worship says, "Hey, we should just continue on. Let's go have it in Jim's hospital room."

So they came down to St. Mary's Hospital and he strummed that chord to "I Love You Lord," and we started to sing. They had me up in a wheelchair, and man, all of a sudden it hit me, "Oh, Lord, I love you! Forgive me! Use me where I'm at. Lord, if I never walk again, it doesn't matter. Just use me."

My Transformation —And Healing
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In my heart, I was completely changed. I was transformed into another man. I've never been the same since then. God has shown me that contentment with Godliness go together really well. After a couple of years of rehabilitation, I asked the Lord, "What was all that about?" He showed me that He wanted somebody at Calvary Chapel of Truckee standing on that stage worshipping Him, knowing that it's not them, that it's Him doing it through them. That it's the Holy Spirit -- it's His work.

I don't have to go very far to remember what happened to me and say, "You know what, if I do it, it's nothing. It's Him. I can't walk without Him, I can't scratch my nose, I can't eat, I can't do anything without Him." He did heal me, in his time, after He showed me incredible things.

It was about two years later that I took over the music ministry at Calvary Chapel of Truckee, in 1989. Funny, when I took it over, I didn't want it. Before that I thought I should have it. I wasn't ready until then, because I didn't know how to submit. God brought me to a place of submission to someone I didn't really respect as a worship leader, and taught me to respect him because He had ordained Him and put him there. When that happened, God turned around and said, "Ok, NOW you're ready." And then I didn't want it. Because I thought, "Oh, that's too much of an overwhelming responsibility. Look at me, look at my life. I'm nobody. How can I do it?" I just didn't feel anywhere near qualified to do it.

My work schedule was getting real heavy, so I was going to have to drop some things. My philosophy in those days was to lead worship anywhere I could to draw people into God's presence. "I just want to worship you, wherever the opportunity is, I'm going to do it." There were a lot of opportunities in the church, but my work schedule started to get in the way. And I started praying, "Lord, what am I going to do?"

In 1988, Anna and I had started a ministry called Truckee Graphite, and it was getting really busy, too. God was using us to travel all over and people were coming to the Lord. It was just insane what was going on. So we were on the road a lot, doing Sunday morning worship, Wednesday night worship, Just for Worship night, having practices with the Worship Team every Thursday night, and once a month on a Friday. We were jam-packed. I prayed, "What am I going to drop, Lord?"

Full-Time Ministry
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In September of 1991, when my schedule was the busiest, Brian asked Anna and I out for dinner with him and Joyce. At dinner, he said, "The board and I have been praying about you coming on staff." He asked me to pray about it.

It was a hard decision, because it was going to mean a BIG cut in pay. Then I'd have a boss for the first time. What if he didn't like me? I was pretty secure in my work, I made all the money I wanted, whenever I wanted. I made just enough to be pretty much in full-time ministry in addition to my work.

Finally, God showed me that it was work that I should drop, not any of the ministries. So, God made me come on the staff of Calvary Chapel of Truckee as Minister of Worship in 1992.

Which leads me to now: I have gray hair, I'm going bald and I have a little tire around the rim. But, I'm really loving Jesus and worshipping Him.